“They Have Earned Our Respect”
I walked into an Assisted Living Facility this morning, in order to pick up a client who had a Doctors appointment at 10:00am, and on the way in, I encountered an exchange between a Med Tech and one of the Elders who resides in that facility. To make a long story short, the Med Tech was talking to this elder as if she was a 10 year old child, and that has always bothered me, but I held my tongue and proceeded to my destination. On my way back down the corridor, I heard the elder tell the Med Tech, “You know honey, I might be old, but I most certainly am not stupid.” I wanted to give this elder a high five and say, “You tell her girlfriend!”, but I refrained and just exchanged a knowing smile with her.
The point I am trying to make here, is that our Elders need to be treated no differently than the way we expect to be treated, with respect and courtesy. The smartest people I know are over the age of 70, and some of them are close to 100 years of age! I think in this culture we have forgotten the times when our ancestors truly depended on the wisdom of their elders to help make hard decisions about the welfare of the collective group; somewhere along the line, this has quit being the status quo, and now, we disregard the thoughts and opinions of our elders, as if wisdom gained from longevity is somehow outdated. I beg to differ with this way of viewing the opinions of our elders. Just because some of our elders do not text, nor go to the internet for information, or even e-mail, does not mean that they lack the capacity to make sound decisions, or give sound advice about current circumstances we, as the youngsters of today, may be facing.
I was complaining to a client the other day who I have known for several years, about this sluggish economy, and he said to me, “Sluggish, huh, in my day we called it a recession at the least, and maybe bordering on a depression. Let me tell you son, you better hope for the best, but always...always...prepare for the worse.” Now, if that is not sound advice, I don’t know what is.
Our elders are just as capable of change as we are, and in many cases, more equipped to deal with change than we are. For is it not true that they have encountered more adversity in their lives than we have? I think that is most certainly true. They may have physical limitations, but that does not equate to mental limitations...the old saying... “You can’t teach old dog new tricks,” is complete malarkey.
About three months ago a client’s brother passed away, and she was not able to attend the funeral. Her family sent her a DVD of the funeral and the memorial service, and when I came to help her with some chores she held out this DVD to me and I simply asked what this was, and when she explained, I knew she really wanted to watch it. She did not have a DVD player, a computer, or even a VCR. I told her that I would come by the next day with my DVD player and I would hook it up, and she could watch it at her leisure. Instead, I went to Wal-Mart and purchased a DVD player for her, thinking that I might be able to get her interested in this technology. Little did I know...?
I showed up the following day with her new DVD player and proceeded to hook it up to her TV, and I must add here that she did, indeed, have an excellent flat screen HD television set. After I had it put all together, she then immediately wanted to watch her DVD, and I did’nt give it much thought at the time and simply placed the DVD in the machine; we began to watch, and before I knew it, we were both in tears, for the presentation was a fantastic memorial to her brother. I felt as if I had known this man personally, and with her reactions to the video, my empathy just escalated through the roof. After we finished watching the video, she shared more stories about her brother, and I could tell that this was her way of grieving and paying tribute to her brother. I could literally see the transformation from grief, to acceptance, of her brother’s demise, and that I was a catalyst to this transformation. After an hour or so, I showed her that I had brought some other DVDS for her to watch, out of my own collection. She showed great interest in the DVD called “Delovely” which is a film about the life of Cole Porter. I wrote down some simple instructions on how to operate the DVD player and left her to her own devices.
The next week, I showed up and she went on and on about how much she loved the DVD player, and lo and behold, she had gone to the library (I told her the library had all kinds of movies) and checked out all kinds of DVDs. She also informed me that she had read the instructional manual and that this player also played CD’S, and that she had also checked out all kinds of music from the library, as well. I could see that the DVD player was well worth the price I had paid, and that she is just as capable of change as anyone else, regardless of her age!
Our elders are just as malleable as any adult, or any child. Just as we approach middle age and realize it takes us a bit longer to learn new things, or to re-learn things we once knew, so too holds true for our elders. Just for fun, I took my laptop over to her house and quickly found a neighbor of hers with an unsecure wireless to tap in to, in order to give her a demonstration of how cool computers can be, and she loved it! I asked her, “What sights that you encountered during your world travels would you most like to revisit?” She said her trip to Ireland Ireland
Please remember, that our elders, with a little time and patience, can function just as well as any youngster, and that even if they are a bit resistant, it is worth your time and money to at least expose them to the things we take for granted in this technological age. To quote a wise woman, “I might be old, but I am most certainly not stupid!”
Please feel free to share your comments, and stories about your encounters with our elders. We are all here to learn from one another and all feedback will be used to further my experience at helping our elders to remain independent.
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