The Crown of Age

“The Crown of Age”

In a culture obsessed with youth we sometimes forget that we, too, will grow old if we are so lucky. I, for one, am enjoying nearing the half century mark, for with the passing years the hubris of youth seems to be ebbing, and this allows a growth in the awareness that life should not be taken for granted...Neither our own lives, nor the lives of our loved ones, for we are not guaranteed tomorrow, regardless of our age. I remember sitting in a College classroom filled with a majority of young people. I was already nearing 40 and had lived quite an exciting life, but I was the oldest one in the class besides the Professor. This was a 300 level Philosophy Class, and the Professor asked this question on the first day of the course. “By a show of hands, how many of you expect to die of old age while hooked up to machines and surrounded by loved ones?”...Almost everyone’s hand quickly rose in the air. Mine did not. Perhaps it was due to working in the Hospice field for so long, that I know death does not discriminate, regardless of age. The Professor then shocked everyone by saying, “I have news for all of you, many of you will not make it to old age, and you will pass on after having finished a meal, or after leaving a concert, or will contract a disease in middle age. Live your lives to the fullest, and develop your potential, and say yes to life, everyday! Life is not a non-stop party, stop to smell the roses, and remember your loved ones and friends...do not hesitate to say I love you!” I think of this Professor a lot, especially while working with my clients, for they truly give meaning to my life, and I am thankful for them every day.

This last week I had the privilege of working with several of my “Elders”. I will be writing about two of them in particular today. I arrived at one of my client’s homes at about 11:00 am one day in order to clean her home and perform any other chores she may ask of me. This is a woman nearing 90 years of age, and is inspiring to me in many ways. She was college educated, before that became the norm, and she continues to read several books a week, and most of these books are spiritual in nature, or edifying in some manner. She remains positive regardless of her physical limitations, and I have never heard her complain about these limitations. I once asked her how one can live a life without regrets, and she simply said, “Well, I think everyone will have some regrets, but if you get up each day and do the next right thing, I think that is all we can ask of ourselves.” I am not sure what I had expected her to say, but I was profoundly touched by the simplicity of her answer, for it is on this basic premise that I believe happiness in one’s life can come. It was reinforced later in the week by another “Elder” of mine.

I had to take a client to the Orthopedic Surgeon’s office for a post-op appointment, and we arrived about a half an hour prior to her appointment time. We talk constantly while we are together, and she is truly a wise woman... not only does she not complain, but she carries herself with the confidence of a bullfighter, and she is 75 years of age! We are sitting in the waiting room just talking away on some subject when a man of about 55 came in, assisted by a cane and in obvious pain; he checked in with the front desk and sat down beside my client. They began to talk and he told her he had a cancerous tumor that was attacking his spinal cord, and that he was sent to this surgeon as a last resort in order to prevent this tumor from causing paralysis, and his eminent death. She held his hand as he spoke, and began nodding her head in agreement with what he was saying. She consoled him, told him he would be in her prayers, and that all would be okay. I could tell by his reaction, and his words, that this woman, a total stranger, had touched him deeply. They were both called in by the Doctor at the same time, and I sat there in the office thinking about their exchange, and how much better the world would be if we all just took the time to listen to one another and remain “present” in the conversation, for often we are just thinking of what we are going to say next, and not listening deeply enough to our fellows. I learned a lot from her that day, and it was her openness to another’s suffering that touched me so deeply. I try to operate my life in a similar manner, but need reminding of this from time to time. On the way home, she openly wept for this man, and did so unashamedly; I held her hand and just listened. I felt blessed for having witnessed that exchange, and for having this woman in my life!

The title of this particular blog is called “The Crown of Age”, which I borrowed from a book by Marion Woodman. I believe one of the greatest assets in our own personal lives, and in our culture, are “Our Elders”, and they should be revered, respected, and listened to. They have lived their lives and have the experience to teach us how to live ours. Aging does not always bring Wisdom, but conscious aging does. The two women I have written about today have aged in such a manner that they truly deserve to wear “The Crown of Age.”

Please feel free to share your inspirational stories about the Elders in your lives, for all of us can learn from one another...if we only listen!

Special Thanks to Marion Woodman for all the wonderful books she has written... her approach to life has taught me so very much. I am grateful to her for doing the work that inspires me to be a better person!

Glen Phillips