"Elders Living Independently"

“Elders Living Independently”

I have decided for this week to address a problem many in our society are currently facing. That problem is whether or not to place our “Elders” into a facility, whether that facility is an Assisted Living facility, or an Independent Living facility. I am not addressing a full service Nursing Home, for that is an entirely different subject. There comes a time in some people’s lives where 24 hour nursing care is a necessity, and that should be solely decided based on the health of our loved one.

I have had the privilege of being in most of our Assisted Living, and Independent living facilities here in Hampton Roads, and it is through this experience that I am writing this particular article. I do not pretend to have all the answers for everyone in regard to this question, but I do believe I am objective enough to give one an alternative view other than the one given by the facilities Marketing Directors, or Client Services. Ultimately, it is up to the family of an “Elder” to make the decision, and even more importantly, it is up to the “Elder” themselves to make this decision. These facilities are not for everyone, and especially not for those elders who have the capacity to remain in their beloved homes that they worked so hard for, and still have the ability to financially maintain.

The fees to live in the above referenced facilities vary, but even the most economic of these facilities, are very expensive indeed. Imagine paying $6,000.00 a month to live in a facility that offers less than is available in ones own home. The price I speak of is in the lower end of the spectrum: some facilities charge much more than this, and any services, outside of the basics, incurs further fees. And if the “Elder” in question were to pass away, these fees continue to be assessed against their estate until their “unit” or “apartment” is re-sold. This I believe will be a problem addressed by the baby boomers, when it becomes their turn to assess their own living arrangements as they age.

I am going to convey the story of my own Mother, in order to help clarify my point of view in regard to this matter. When my father passed away, my mother was already suffering from Lung Cancer that was in remission. She lived in Moyock, NC, and it was difficult for me and my siblings to leave Hampton Roads to tend to her needs. My mother did not drive at this time, and it was necessary for us to see that she had her groceries, made her Dr.’s appointments, and that she had the recreational activities that she so enjoyed. We employed a full time attendant who lived with my Mother, and who was chosen by her out of many applicants. Naomi was her name, and she was truly a Godsend. She had no medical background, for that was not what was needed. She cooked, cleaned, and became a friend to all of us, most importantly to our Mother. We, as her children, took my Mother to all of her Doctor appointments, and Naomi sometimes accompanied us, for she too was interested in my Mother’s medical care. We also saw to all the grocery shopping once a week, kept up her property, ran errands, and saw that every need was met that was outside of Naomi’s ability to facilitate. Naomi enjoyed playing Bingo as much as my Mother, and took her twice a week to that activity. The fees for her services were $1,000.00 a month, plus room and board. All of us children went down several times a month to eat dinner, play games, and watch movies. It was hard on us due to our busy schedules, but we made the time, and are all so very glad we did. My Mother’s remission ended abruptly, and we were soon faced with Hospice, and Naomi was there until the very end. She gave us support through making meals for us, and through her very deep spiritual advice, for we performed all of my Mother’s nursing needs, and Naomi was by my Mother’s bedside when she passed away. The point of this story is that if it is indeed possible; allow your “Elder” to remain in their home, if that is their desire. Prior to hiring Naomi, we took our Mother to several Assisted Living facilities in order for her to see the possibilities and opportunities out there, and we had our free lunches, and the grand tours, but at the end of the day, when we took her home, she sat at her kitchen table, finished her crossword puzzle, turned on the Animal Channel, and then began to read her book...She was home and that is where she wanted to be, and ultimately where she was the happiest.

“Errands For Our Elders” is a company with heart. We are here to help you in your time of need, and will go to all lengths to insure that your loved one has the helping hand necessary to help them remain Independent, and in their own home. We can take care of the housekeeping, cooking, lawn care, Pet Care, shopping, and a plethora of other services...Let us help you, help your “Elder”. Not all of us are extroverts in need of “community”; some of us are “introverts” and need only to be left alone, with a little help from the type of services we offer, your “Elder” can be as happy as they ever have been. Life is short, and not all of us belong in a facility for seniors, but merely to stay at home, surrounded by Loving, and caring individuals.

We here at Errands For Our Elders simply want to be able to give our community, and our Elders, an alternative to living in a facility. God Bless to each and every one of you facing this type of decision, for it is not one to be taken lightly, nor is it an easy decision to make. Please feel free to visit our website at www.elder-errands.com to find out more about our services, and for a free consultation.

Please feel free to express your own opinions in regard to this issue. We can all learn from one another, if we take the time to listen.

Glen Phillips

The Crown of Age

“The Crown of Age”

In a culture obsessed with youth we sometimes forget that we, too, will grow old if we are so lucky. I, for one, am enjoying nearing the half century mark, for with the passing years the hubris of youth seems to be ebbing, and this allows a growth in the awareness that life should not be taken for granted...Neither our own lives, nor the lives of our loved ones, for we are not guaranteed tomorrow, regardless of our age. I remember sitting in a College classroom filled with a majority of young people. I was already nearing 40 and had lived quite an exciting life, but I was the oldest one in the class besides the Professor. This was a 300 level Philosophy Class, and the Professor asked this question on the first day of the course. “By a show of hands, how many of you expect to die of old age while hooked up to machines and surrounded by loved ones?”...Almost everyone’s hand quickly rose in the air. Mine did not. Perhaps it was due to working in the Hospice field for so long, that I know death does not discriminate, regardless of age. The Professor then shocked everyone by saying, “I have news for all of you, many of you will not make it to old age, and you will pass on after having finished a meal, or after leaving a concert, or will contract a disease in middle age. Live your lives to the fullest, and develop your potential, and say yes to life, everyday! Life is not a non-stop party, stop to smell the roses, and remember your loved ones and friends...do not hesitate to say I love you!” I think of this Professor a lot, especially while working with my clients, for they truly give meaning to my life, and I am thankful for them every day.

This last week I had the privilege of working with several of my “Elders”. I will be writing about two of them in particular today. I arrived at one of my client’s homes at about 11:00 am one day in order to clean her home and perform any other chores she may ask of me. This is a woman nearing 90 years of age, and is inspiring to me in many ways. She was college educated, before that became the norm, and she continues to read several books a week, and most of these books are spiritual in nature, or edifying in some manner. She remains positive regardless of her physical limitations, and I have never heard her complain about these limitations. I once asked her how one can live a life without regrets, and she simply said, “Well, I think everyone will have some regrets, but if you get up each day and do the next right thing, I think that is all we can ask of ourselves.” I am not sure what I had expected her to say, but I was profoundly touched by the simplicity of her answer, for it is on this basic premise that I believe happiness in one’s life can come. It was reinforced later in the week by another “Elder” of mine.

I had to take a client to the Orthopedic Surgeon’s office for a post-op appointment, and we arrived about a half an hour prior to her appointment time. We talk constantly while we are together, and she is truly a wise woman... not only does she not complain, but she carries herself with the confidence of a bullfighter, and she is 75 years of age! We are sitting in the waiting room just talking away on some subject when a man of about 55 came in, assisted by a cane and in obvious pain; he checked in with the front desk and sat down beside my client. They began to talk and he told her he had a cancerous tumor that was attacking his spinal cord, and that he was sent to this surgeon as a last resort in order to prevent this tumor from causing paralysis, and his eminent death. She held his hand as he spoke, and began nodding her head in agreement with what he was saying. She consoled him, told him he would be in her prayers, and that all would be okay. I could tell by his reaction, and his words, that this woman, a total stranger, had touched him deeply. They were both called in by the Doctor at the same time, and I sat there in the office thinking about their exchange, and how much better the world would be if we all just took the time to listen to one another and remain “present” in the conversation, for often we are just thinking of what we are going to say next, and not listening deeply enough to our fellows. I learned a lot from her that day, and it was her openness to another’s suffering that touched me so deeply. I try to operate my life in a similar manner, but need reminding of this from time to time. On the way home, she openly wept for this man, and did so unashamedly; I held her hand and just listened. I felt blessed for having witnessed that exchange, and for having this woman in my life!

The title of this particular blog is called “The Crown of Age”, which I borrowed from a book by Marion Woodman. I believe one of the greatest assets in our own personal lives, and in our culture, are “Our Elders”, and they should be revered, respected, and listened to. They have lived their lives and have the experience to teach us how to live ours. Aging does not always bring Wisdom, but conscious aging does. The two women I have written about today have aged in such a manner that they truly deserve to wear “The Crown of Age.”

Please feel free to share your inspirational stories about the Elders in your lives, for all of us can learn from one another...if we only listen!

Special Thanks to Marion Woodman for all the wonderful books she has written... her approach to life has taught me so very much. I am grateful to her for doing the work that inspires me to be a better person!

Glen Phillips

First Blog

By Glen Phillips

On this cold Sunday morning, as I sat in my home office out in Pungo, Va. contemplating what subject I would write about for this first entry in my blog, I found myself at a loss, which is probably a shock to those who know me, for I am not known as one for a loss of words on any subject. Especially on subjects dealing with, or relating to, people. I absolutely find other people to be fascinating. We are truly remarkable beings and each of us has a story to tell, and the opportunity to add a chapter to our story each and every day we awake from slumber. We are the authors of our stories, with many other contributing authors in the form of those we know and love, and even those, we don’t. So, each day we can choose what kind of story we want our lives to tell.

This morning, when I could not decide on the subject matter for this Blog; I remembered that it is “Soulful Sunday” on the Oprah Winfrey Network (OWN), and I absolutely love Sundays for this very reason. So, I walked away from the computer and began watching her show, and Lo, and behold, I had my subject right in front of me. This was an episode where Oprah interviews Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor, the author of “My Stroke of Insight”, and I knew immediately, I had to let others know about this remarkable lady and her recovery from a severe left hemisphere stroke.

As soon as I saw her on Television I remembered having read her book several years ago, and having spent several months in my book discussion group dissecting this book, page, by page with my fellow group members. This is a must read not only for people who have suffered a stroke, or are caring for someone who has, but for all of us, for there is a common thread we all share. Each of us has a brain, and all of us are susceptible to a sudden illness.

What I found remarkable about Dr. Jill’s story was that not only as a Neuroanatomist does she give us an excellent description of how the brain works, but she does so in a beautifully orchestrated manner that any layperson can understand. She not only leads us down the path to understand our own brains and how they function, but she also leads us on a spiritual journey to understand that we are not our “thoughts”, and that the chatter we hear internally, is not our essence. Due to her specialized training in neuroanatomy, she is able to articulate how that, with the proper kind of understanding of our inner processes, we can learn to alter our inner dialogue if we so desire. That it is as easy as tying ones shoe if we simply put our mind to work for us. Dr. Jill did not know this until she had her stroke, and it was through her recovery, as she struggled to relearn everything, that she truly learned how to live. After her stroke she did not know who she was, could not speak, she could not read, she remembered no one, not even her mother, GiGi, who came to help her in her recovery.  I think the greatest thing she teaches us in this remarkable book, is that people who have suffered strokes, or brain injuries, need love, understanding and patience, and positive energy from their caretakers. And throughout her book she takes us step, by step, on her recovery, and what she learned about how to take care of someone who has suffered a similar type of Trauma.  On page 120 of her book she writes, “I needed people to come close and not be afraid of me. I desperately needed their kindness. I needed to be touched-stroke my arm, hold my hand. Or gently wipe my face if I’m drooling....I needed my visitors to bring me their positive energy.”

This book is a must read for anyone who has a loved one who has suffered a stroke, and for anyone who would like to learn more about themselves in order to live a fuller, more joyful life, for more often than not, we don’t seem to find the time to take care of ourselves, and yet in the end, we are the only ones who can.

The name of the book is...My Stroke of Insight, A Brain Scientist’s Personal Journey.

ISBN 978-0-670-02074-4

This is my first entry on my new blog. I hope it will help someone who may have needed this information, and I hope it may compel others to read the book and learn something new, or review material they already know. I will be updating my Blog each Sunday, and will cover subjects relating to Healthcare, and the Care of our Elders, which will of course encompass my holistic view of how we can write a new positive chapter in the book of our lives each and every day.

Please feel free to make any comments or suggestions as you feel the need to do so, but please refrain from any use of pejorative, obscene, or any language that may offend someone. This is an opportunity for all of us to share our stories, and learn from one another.

Special thanks to my Brother Chuck for making this forum possible for me. He not only built my website, but has added this blog to allow each of you to get to know me better, and the services I offer. This blog would not be complete without a special thanks to everyone in my book discussion group; for it was within this group that I truly found kindred spirits who share my love for knowledge. It is where I found food for the soul, and for the mind. A special thanks to my teacher, and mentor, Eleanora Woloy.